Sasquatch No More

Is it bad that the only reason I shaved my legs the other day was because I was thinking about getting a pedicure? What does that say about me when I don’t want the guy who does my feet to see a cactus under my pant leg but if my husband sees it……eh?

This is the dreaded time of year when you realize just how much you’ve let yourself go over the winter.  Our body comes out of hibernation much like a bear (and almost as hairy as one).  We shed our layers of clothing and reveal the ugly truth.  A bottom to top assessment…

Toes…. eeep, the nail polish is still on there from my last pedicure in October.

Ankles… well, they were pretty prickly but since I shaved for whatshisface they aren’t so bad…

Knees and thighs…hairy, ’cause it’s not shorts season quite yet.

Bikini area… All I will say is I will be wincing and cursing under my breath at the quick and nimble hands of Anna, waxer/sadist extraordinaire, very soon.

Belly… hmmm, abs meet exercise, exercise meet abs (and sun).

I don’t feel like self-assessing anymore. I’ll turn my critical eye to the yard and its out-of-control bushes.

Why this need to spruce everything up?  Why can’t it be good enough to give the yard a make-over and leave our bodies alone?

The truth is…..much like our yards and house…we do it to impress the neighbors.  Who wants to walk around looking like a short-sale fixer upper?  Do men even think this way?  We have been reduced to caring what our feet will look like in a pair of shoes…so we sand and paint them.  We let a complete stranger see us in a compromising position and then let them rip the hair off of our bodies.

What is sad, is that given how ridiculous it all seems, I will still do it.  I will get that pedicure.  I will go and avoid eye contact with Anna.  What do I get out of it?

Besides a bit of pain….it helps me feel good about myself.  Kind of like a house, if you care about it, you do the maintenance.  Of course, I do let myself go a bit otherwise.  I think my compromise is that in the winter months…I get a break from the upkeep.  Au natural..for the most part.

On the subject of  “natural”, I hear men say all the time that they love a natural woman…I’m calling B.S. on that one.  Just what is their idea of natural?  If they only knew the maintenance involved….

Here is the difference between men and women:

Women’s idea of natural:

Men’s idea of natural:

Women’s idea of natural:

Men’s idea:

Did I make my point, whatever it was?  Does it even matter because right now all the guys are glazed over staring and salivating over Little Miss Swimsuit and all of you women are recoiling in horror at the thought of swimsuit season….