This Is 41

I think I just want to skip past 40 and pretend it never happened.

You wake up at 41…. well a few days past it cause you’ve spent the better part of the last week fighting some monster-virus-from-hades that your firstborn gifted you on Christmas………..

As I was saying, you wake up at 41 feeling lovely as ever.  First, there is the hacking, honking and un-stuffing process to be done after awaking.  Then the french press coffee you so desperately desired is unusually bland.  Most likely because you are minus your sense of smell still.  It might also have something to do with that sore patch on your tongue that you scalded with hot tea a few nights ago…..  

Although it is nice to enjoy a freshly pressed cup of bliss at 8:45 in the morning you still have that sense of something being off besides your sense of smell and sense of taste.  Oh…. yeah, you basically don’t have a job anymore.

This is 41.

Well…. I know I wasn’t happy in that job so it was only a matter of time.  I am still baffled by the amount of dysfunction in that workplace.  Have you ever seen that movie, The Devil Wears Prada?  Instead of a 50-ish Meryl Streep with impeccable taste…..imagine a 50-ish man with a penchant for hearing himself expound on the ills of the modern world.  A curmudgeon, if you will.

Curmudgeons don’t make for the best bosses, just so you know.  They’ll tell you to leave an hour and a half before your shift ends because you didn’t send him an email telling him how you were going to “fix” things.  Things being:

* The job is outside your abilities (according to him).

* You are a Debbie Downer. (Yes, he called me that).

So that is boiling it down…. This was probably a good 15 minutes of “let me tell you why you  suck so badly.” After that he gave me three hours to send him the above mentioned email.  My ultimate mistake was not emailing him regarding his vague request in the allotted timeframe and instead choosing to do my work…. That was really stupid.  I should have ignored all the customer calls, the invoicing, the ordering of parts and putting together quotes to satisfy his need to have all attention directed toward him.  Stupid indeed.

Maybe a telling sign of a job being bad for you is when it has a strange resemblance to your former relationship.  That should be the sign to run.

If I ever have to sit there again and listen to someone deem me unacceptable, list my faults ad nauseum, tear me down, tell me that I need to fix myself then expect me to feel grateful in their fucking tolerance of me……

The difference between 40 and 41 can be a lifetime.

It can be the most difficult journey you’ve ever undertaken yet the most fulfilling.  It is that long rickety suspension bridge covered in vines and rotting planks spanning a chasm of jagged rocks, swirling water and very likely hungry, snapping crocodiles. It is slippery, treacherous and painful.  Bruising missteps, anxiety inducing near misses and did I mention the clowns?  In this version there are clowns bearing down on me…. only because clowns are downright scary.  After all, I am a native (can’t chase myself), wolves are awesome and….. it really is kind of fitting in another sense if you think about it.  A posse of Pennywises jingle jangling on my heels and grinning maniacally.

So I’m almost across….. a few more steps.  Have my machete handy as well. Bring it on 2014, I’m ready for you.

This is 41.