Thuds, Studs and Duds

Thought I’d do a roundup of some of the more memorable topics in the headlines this week.

The Thud Heard ‘Round the World

What can I say… Lenny. We all know Lenny a bit better this week. Make that a lot better.

I saw Lenny Kravitz perform in Vegas years back and it was very memorable. Not for the reason that his performance in Sweden was memorable but memorable nonetheless.

There was the stranger standing next to me in the crowd who brushed my jawline with his hand while gazing at me and told me how beautiful I was. I must admit, I was looking pretty rock and roll that night but it was a bit awkward. Especially because his girlfriend was standing next to him smiling at me too. For some reason this wasn’t the first time I picked up on that “let’s party” vibe from a couple. I looked around to see if my then-husband saw what just happened but he was busy talking to the two flight attendants behind us (yeah….#signs).

Also memorable, during intermission I almost threw down with a drunk gorilla in a shiny shirt that had a man-crush on Lenny. I won’t elaborate. What can I say? Lenny can make people act… out of character. *sigh*

I found the reporting of the incident comical…especially the Gawker headline, “Lenny Kravitz Shredded so Hard his D**ck Fell Out on Stage.

You know if it was any other rock star*, it would say something like…. “Adam Levine’s Pecker Peeped Out of his Pants.”

*I use that term loosely in reference to AL

Things that Make You Go… Huh?

Oh Donald… scamp! Thanks for at least making the Republican duck-duck-goose game interesting. You are the gift that keeps on giving.

I did watch part of the debate out of curiosity and hope of witnessing a spectacular train wreck. Was a bit disappointed but it did induce quite a few moments of, “Huh?”

I get sidetracked by the mysterious swirl of strands on his head. This comes to mind:

I am so with Elaine on this one. Melania, any thoughts?

Democrats, learn a lesson about tolerance from the Republicans in this one area:

Don’t discriminate against a politician because of his hair!

Leads in polls
At least you know who he is….right?

The Other Thud Heard ‘Round the World

The debate was really just filler and time-killing. I was eagerly and grudgingly waiting for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart finale. The other thud would be a collective of sunken hearts as Jon Stewart signed off.

I loved the show because it was blisteringly funny and smartly written. The show wore it’s heart on it’s sleeve as did Stewart. It was really a long-running love letter to America and what it is supposed to stand for. Reminders are good every now and then. I adore the fact that Jon Stewart remains humble in the knowledge that we really do possess these amazing freedoms in the United States. These freedoms that allow people to question authority, poke fun at policy and possibly make you think about something in a different light.

Remember your way isn’t always the only way to be or act. When humans become inflexible in their thinking and action they may end up in a state where things like this happen.

Thank you Jon Stewart.

Ain’t Nothing but a G Thang

I was reading the newspaper a few mornings back when I came across this obituary:

Thong passed quietly one night in late May. The timing being oddly precise as Valentine’s and Mother’s Days have passed and Father’s day was just around the corner. Thong led a fabulous and fulfilled life in fashion as a provocateur in the 80’s, trendsetter in the 90’s and finally a wardrobe staple in the 00’s. Thong is survived by cheekies, bikinis and most peculiarly, grannies. R.I.P. Thong.

Okay, so I wasn’t really reading the newspaper because..who does that anymore? My recent internet wanderings have been bombarded by countless blurbs proclaiming the downfall of the thong. I decided to watch the morning news for a change in an effort to see what’s going on in the world. My reward for wanting to be informed? An in-depth report on the downfall of the thong….and a quick sign off about ISIS taking over.. *CUT TO COMMERCIAL!*

Just what has caused the untimely demise of the thong? Grannies! No, not white haired little old ladies. Let me clarify that, Granny panties to be more specific. Although, for all we know it could’ve been the sight of a little white haired old lady in a thong that sent some influential fashionista into such an existential crisis that she dealt the fatal blow with a swift and stealthy tweet. #thongsareso90s

It would be oddly ironic to the fashionista (if that concept occurs to fashionistas) that the new underwear of choice would be the very underwear traditionally favored by the aforementioned white-haired set. Before I get into the subject of the Panty of Granny, I want to delve deeper, much like a thong, into the fall of the “strings” (my mother’s nomenclature for the teeny undies.)

Like many things in our pop culture, thong as of late has suffered from overexposure, Instagram being the primary culprit. In a last ditch attempt, thong has tried to stay relevant.  Much like the iPhone in the late 00’s thong has gotten smaller and smaller. Herein lies the problem, thong might be getting smaller and smaller but the area which thong has been entrusted to protect has stayed the same size.

I don’t know about any of you (ladies) but I’ve noticed that they seem to be getting narrower and narrower. For the back….that’s fine but for any woman who doesn’t have Barbie’s anatomy it’s troubling to say the least. It’s akin to putting your thong on backwards (which we’ve all done) and leaving it that way (which we all don’t do.)

I’m not sure if it’s just a manufacturer “skimping” on the material or I shudder to think of the alternative. I mean it’s just our nose and ears that keep growing, right?

For those of you not in the know (men?), there are issues with shifting, pinching and the downright dastardly DD if the size of the material is disproportionate to the area being covered. Here is my crude rendering to assist in your comprehension:

Acceptable Coverage

I can see the argument for grannies…more material=more coverage. When I say more material, I mean more and then some. Forgot your bra? No problem, just hike them up a bit more…..and you know you can. My experience with the granny panty goes back…….way back. This is something that my fellow Rez dwellers would only know but I can sum it up in two words: TRIBAL CLOTHING

Yes, that stash of clothing plopped into an extra-large clear trash bag and dragged home on the bus. I suppose the purpose of tribal clothing was to make sure we heathens were properly covered. My issue with them was that despite the extensive measuring process, they never seemed to fit. They were usually too big and why did I always end up with boys stuff? At least they got the underwear size right….sort of.

Nylon in shades of pastel with a white elastic waistband sporting multi-colored pastel accents. More lovely white elastic around the leg openings. They were slippery, voluminous and most definitely granny in cut.They would get banished to the far reaches of the underwear and sock drawer and only called into service when my magical replenishing drawer was on the fritz. Now remember, this was the late 70’s… kids’ pants didn’t come in low-rise or skinny. We had decent coverage in our jeans and room to boot. Yet, when wearing these unmentionable unmentionbles, there was always the dreaded possibility of muffin-top. No, not the muffin top we know today but the muffin top of a billowy pastel bunch of nylon ballooning out from your waistband.

Remember when it was trendy to have your thong strings peeking out from your jeans? It was kinda like that….but not. You may now understand my disdain for over-sized undies.

I’m hoping the granny panties of today are a bit more user friendly. I’m skeptical but am totally behind the idea of wearing what you are comfortable in and dressing for yourself. I’ll be waiting to get my “granny” on, though. No amount of trendiness or breathable material will overshadow the nylon nightmares of my youth. I’d rather go commando. Maybe Lenny is on to something.