I Am Woman..Hear Me Apologize

In case you didn’t know, today is International Women’s Day. Yay for us. They gave us a Tuesday. Better than a Wednesday, I guess, especially because we tend to be at our most unattractive on Wednesday afternoons.

In honor of it being International Women’s Day, I say all men should get paid 25% less for the day. Of course it would make sense if we just got paid 25% more but then we’d get too used to all that equality and Hell would break loose. Single moms could support their children (ahem)….it would be truly apocalyptic.

I thought it might be kind of interesting to experience a day adopting the mindset of a man. What would that be like?

I think the first thing on the list of Man Mindset is, stop apologizing for EVERYTHING! A lot of us do this. We apologize for taking up space….apologize for asking a sales person for help… apologize for not reading minds. Yes, we take responsibility for things that we absolutely had nothing to do with by apologizing.

It is an affliction. You know what I’m talking about ladies. Not a mere fifteen minutes had gone by after having my revelation and I found myself uttering those disgusting little words, “I’m Sorry.” Not once, not twice but THREE times while navigating through a very crowded Trader Joe’s.

It’s not like I was mowing down oldies left and right. I wasn’t snatching cans of beans out from under anyone. I didn’t step on anyone’s foot. I didn’t lose my temper and lash out at anyone. What egregious act had I perpetrated?

Why I was merely being. I was apologizing for standing in a spot, taking up 2 square feet of space at the most. I was apologizing for simply existing in the universe.

Why am I apologizing to someone who is not practicing patience but practicing NASCAR moves on me in the produce section? If only I could voice what I’m really thinking… “I’m sorry…….that you are such an blundering manner-less beast lacking in self-control.” Actually, it’s more like.. “I’m sorry….. that you are such a @#!&%*!@!##$%^@&^%$#$@^;!”

So much for my super woman empowerment experiment. That lasted all of…. half an hour. Maybe I’ll have purged that by the time the next International Women’s Day rolls around. We’ll hopefully have more to celebrate like a woman president and equal pay.

Being polite is one thing but apologetic for things beyond my control isn’t a trait I want to pass on to my kids.Remember how Fonzie couldn’t utter the word, “w-w-wwrong?” If only that would happen to me when “I’m sorry” tries to escape my lips.






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