Break Out the Aluminum Pole

There was an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and Elaine are sitting in the coffee shop talking.  Elaine is in a pensive mood of sorts.  At some point Jerry asks her what she wanted to be when she grew up.  Her answer, “I don’t know…..but it wasn’t THIS!”

I feel like I’ve been doing It-Wasn’t-This for the last ten years or so.  I find myself, at the moment, utterly disappointed in the process of a possible promotion at my current place of employment.  Although, the likelihood is that I will get the promotion, I am feeling no joy or sense of accomplishment.  Its akin to being the last kid picked for teams in P.E.

I had my “big” interview last Monday, which happened to fall on my day off.  It was nice because it gave me all day to decide on “pants or skirt?” (Results of my texting poll?   pants 2 skirt 2 which really tells me that I need more friends..)  I ultimately went with the pants.  Didn’t want to come off as soft.  I wanted to be a ballbusting, give-me-the-position kind of candidate.  Would have been nice.

Instead of walking into an interview, I think I walked into a celebration of Festivus minus the aluminum pole and the feats of strengths.  It was straight to the list of grievances.

Well, it started off with with a question….. “Do you have any questions?”

Inner me: “Seriously?  Aren’t you supposed to be asking the questions?”

I managed to rattle off a good question about the location’s performance and needs…blah, blah..

Then it was the laundry list of why I am a questionable fit in the new position.

I readied myself for the interview all day.  Listed all my positive traits, work accomplishments and experience.  Thought about my body language, demeanor….be calm, no fidgeting, maintain eye contact.  Thoughtful concise answers….no vagueness….

Then I’m sitting there and my inner ADD kicks in because he’s fidgeting…knee bouncing up and down.  Since he’s sitting in an office chair, his whole body is bouncing.  Which makes me not want to look at him and maintain eye contact.  I keep thinking to myself how tired and disheveled he looks.  Kinda like he’s coming off of a bender. The bender-look  plus the fidgeting has me imagining him in all kinds of seedy scenarios.

By the end of the “interview” I’m already feeling the letdown setting in.  I apparently haven’t impressed him enough so might as well shoot myself in the other foot and hobble myself for good.  He asks what could be some of the problems at my current workplace.

“Oh…this could be fun”,  I think to myself.  I manage to bridle my candor in a bit but really wanted to do something kind of like this:

Don’t even ask about the email that I have ready to send.  We all know that I’m better with writing my true feelings than speaking them.  Let the Festivus begin.