Of Boobs and Men

¹boob

 noun \ˈbüb\

Definition of BOOB

1:a stupid awkward person :  simpleton

2:  boor, philistine

I am compelled to write something about (gasp!) breastfeeding.  Mainly, so I can be polarizing and make my male readers feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I jest.  Really, I write this  because I have very strong opinions on the subject being that I did it for six years or so of my life.  Yes, I only have three children. (Insert math here.)  Yes,  I breastfed two of them beyond a year.  Yes, I am one of THOSE women.  Yes, I am THAT woman who unabashedly fed my babies in public.  *My apologies to the young gentleman waiter in that one restaurant who may have accidentally spied a nipple…

I read an article today about a mother in the UK who was asked to take herself to the back of the bus… er nursing room in the hospital after she started breastfeeding in the waiting room.  The staff was afraid she would offend somebody.  I find that request offensive and was even more appalled by some of the comments made by readers of the article:

Marge9 hours ago  I totally agree. Why do these women want to put their breasts on display? I think what the nurse did was very kind and caring. When will this crap stop.

Angela Page9 hours ago   There are people who starve for attention in public because they don’t get enough at home. Making a scene or complaining about what you did doesn’t make you look good. Truth be told breastfeeding is what caused you to breastfeed. Look at that! How is your picture looking now? Can we imagine that? Yes, we can! And we sure don’t want to see that. Thank-you or your cooperation!

There were many, many more…. but posting them would be a chore and trying to decipher some of them would drain all joy out of my grammar loving soul.  Take for example, Angela’s baffling comment, “breastfeeding is what caused you to breastfeed.”  I’m not quite following but…. I’m sure she had a point in there somewhere….. (Cue the banjo music)

The furor that surrounds this topic is laughable.  As if we public breast-feeders are a brazen bunch of attention grabbing jezebels, hell-bent on creating a commotion and corrupting the masses with our bountiful bosoms.  That’s exactly what I had in mind when I was dealing with a red-faced screaming baby in a restaurant…. I need MORE attention brought to me.

My friend laughs at me because when I hear a baby crying and fussing in public, the first words out of my mouth are, “Pop a boob in that baby’s mouth.” It’s pretty much the cure-all for a fussy baby.  Nature is an amazing thing isn’t it?  We have these built in baby soothers.  No need for toting all the bottles…formula…pacifiers…and such around if you don’t have to.

I advocate for breastfeeding  because it is natural.  Since when did artificially sustaining our babies become the norm?  The fact that breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public is a topic of debate in this day and age is dumbfounding.  Being offended by seeing some woman breastfeed her child in public is most definitely a #Firstworldproblem  of the worst kind.  It’s sad that we as a society had to take something that was pretty much perfect….deem it “savage” and now are trying like hell to make it “acceptable” again.

To all those young women out there who are thinking of becoming mothers or have a bun in the oven….just do it.  It’s good for you, good for the baby…. good for the couple two tables over trying to enjoy their dinner out.

Afterall, a boob by any other name…….

Oddly Oblong

While doing my morning ritual of coffee and article browsing, this headline caught my eye, “What Would Barbie Look Like with Real-Woman Proportions?”

Curiosity, my life long friend, nudged at me.  Then I set to wondering if they make these dolls in various stages of a woman’s life.  Your Why-Don’t-I-Have-Boobs-Like-All-My-Friends years, the Freshman Fifteen years (oh…hello boobs, nice of you to show up now…real nice..), After Pregnancy years (bye boobs..just when I got used to having you), Most-Stressful-Time-of-My-Life years (bye bye appetite, say “hi” to boobs for me)….and so on.  What about that 50+ stage?  You know, where your waist becomes wide as your hips, your butt flattens out…. Your silhouette becomes less hourglass and more Lego-like.

So I clickety-clicked to see Real-Woman Barbie.  The article was interesting enough but what struck me most were all the headlines and ads surrounding the article.  This is supposed to be a thought provoking article about a subject to help create awareness about positive and realistic body images but…….look to the right.

All around the article were blurbs about weight loss and dieting.  As far as we’ve come….we really haven’t come that far at all baby.

I also stumbled upon this:

Yes ladies….. we apparently fall into shape categories.  Check out those characteristics, “neat hips…flat bottoms..” If you are an apple shape, you are basically a butt-less sphere on a good pair of stems.  Get a sight of the thigh gaps that the figures are all sporting!  At least they have that going for them.  Otherwise, maybe we should just take our flat-chested, saddle bagged, no-waisted, no-butt selves and fling ourselves off a Chico’s billboard.

Do you think men EVER think about what body shape category they may fall into?  Most likely not but if they did…it would probably go something like this:

So ladies, lets take a page out of the Man Manual and stop labeling ourselves with ridiculous descriptors associated with kindergarten curriculum.  Wickedly clever sounds so much more interesting than….. lean column.  Wouldn’t you agree?